


Maybe This Time

by cassiopeiasara



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F, Holtz backstory, Holtz centric, Holtzmann POV, Learning to be Friends, Toltzmann relationship, Yatesmann friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-12
Updated: 2017-01-12
Packaged: 2018-09-17 02:27:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9300041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassiopeiasara/pseuds/cassiopeiasara
Summary: After a failed attempt to work for CERN, Holtz finds that the places where she fits are never the ones she sees coming.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [amtrak12](https://archiveofourown.org/users/amtrak12/gifts).



> A/N: Based on amtrak12's amazing post about Holtz backstory (I'm not skilled in the way of adding links so check her tumblr). Also it's her birthday. No beta on this one.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and I seek no profit.

Routine grounds her _._ _ID badge,_ check _._ _Entrance,_ check _._

_Lab_ , it’s all so big. Big in a way she didn’t expect. She fiddles with her badge as the woman from HR with a practiced smile shows her the workspace. There are  _so many people_ , most of them wave at her as she’s introduced. They’re all so focused, speaking quietly to each other or just quiet in general. 

Anxiety coils in her stomach. Focus and quiet aren’t exact her forte. She can’t blast her music here, her food crumbs would not be welcome. It makes her wonder why they decided on her at all. She reminds herself that her work got her here and it speaks for itself. 

Her escort smiles, that weird polite smile and Holtz tries to remember her name. 

She points toward a portion of the lab. “I believe this space is yours Dr. Holtzmann.”

Holtz makes a point to smile back and shake the woman’s hand firmly. She forgets the thank you but the woman doesn’t seem to mind. 

A packet rests on her table with her name typed on it. She opens it, plans for a new project. She relaxes a bit. This is where she’s safe. This is where she knows her way. Her work will speak for itself.

***

The same woman from HR frowns at her now. Well, it’s more that she’s trying to hide a scowl with a smile so it has a kind of sneer effect. She’s not the only one in the line opposite Holtz. There is a project manager ( _Jerry? Maybe?_  Gosh, it’s the first day and so many people), the head of her department, and the neighboring lab partner who saw it all.

“I’m afraid this isn’t going to work Dr. Holtzmann. Simon is stable luckily which means no criminal action.”

Holtz remembers Dr. Gorin stating these things happen. Remembers her saying the pursuit of innovation takes a few casualties. It isn’t the first time she’s been the cause of accidentally hurting someone but it is the first time death is a factor. 

Holtz squirms a little in her chair as they discuss her one and only paycheck and all the hope they had for her. 

_We really thought you’d be okay this time_ , plays like a mantra in her mind. The image of her parents picking her up from science camp because she caused too many explosions, the girlfriend who left because Holtz started a fire trying to make breakfast, her first three failed interviews for being a teaching assistant before Dr. Gorin. It all meshes together like a broken record, over and over and over again.  

_We really thought you’d be okay_.    

Holtz nods in all the right places and is escorted out by security. Perhaps it’s a curse, some flaw she just can’t see, some piece of her that always drives others away, something wrong she just can’t seem to fix. 

She calls Dr. Gorin. “Well, Jillian, we’ll just have to find someplace better.”

Holtz appreciates her words but the comfort that comes from them doesn’t quite seal the break in her confidence. 

***

She answers the paranormal engineer ad because hey ghosts are cool, also if she doesn’t find something soon, it’s back to her parents and she really doesn’t want that. 

Dr. Yates is nice and patient when Holtz takes her time to answer. Holtz doesn’t feel like her answers are always quite right and thoroughly believes this isn't going to work.

Dr. Yates is pensive for a moment and Holtz feels a shift, something about this is significant in a way she can’t quite decipher. 

She gets the job, despite all the blacklisting in the academic atmosphere (complaints about her recklessness, a note about how unpredictable she can be, Dr. Holtzmann, the brilliant engineer that no one wants), despite drifting off somewhere in the interview and not responding to the right question. 

She starts and Dr. Yates never brings up any of it though Holtz knows she could have access to all of it. 

Dr. Yates just hands Holtz theories, equations, ideas and it doesn’t take long before Holtz realizes Dr. Yates isn’t scared. 

_Maybe this time_ , she thinks.  

***

Abby is hilarious. She laughs at all of Holtz’s puns and she is completely game for playing pranks on the rest of the science department.

Abby includes her on takeout orders and invites her over after work to watch movies. Holtz wonders how long it will last, how long before Abby tires of her and gets frustrated like everyone else. 

It’s almost two months before a significant lab accident occurs. It’s some sort of record and Holtz knows it’s because she’s been holding back, she really wants this to work. 

She expects Abby to throw her out, to regret the decision to hire her. Instead, Abby approaches with a fire extinguisher, putting out the fire with practiced ease. She doesn’t yell, doesn’t even flinch. She just smiles. 

“What happened?” Her voice is soft. 

Holtz ducks her head, explains that she miswired something and the prototype overheated. 

Abby nods, never wavering. “So what do you want to do this time?”

Abby’s gentle voice unlocks her mental block and she thinks of all the alternate avenues she could take. 

Holtz hesitates then asks, “So I’m not fired?”

Abby tilts her head and raises her eyebrows. “Fired? ‘Course not, we’re well on our way to a breakthrough here.  Stuff like this is why we have these.” She lifts the fire extinguisher. 

Holtz wonders if Abby knows about Simon, if she’s ever looked it up. Holtz takes this victory but it’s only a matter of time. Abby will let her go one day and she’ll be alone again.

***

Five years later and Abby plays the song. Holtz is stuck on the proton gun but they’re inching closer. 

Abby must know she’s struggling, she’s good like that, the time for Come On Eileen is here and Abby starts to sing the opening lyrics.  Holtz looks up and Abby winks back at her. Holtz relaxes and starts to sing along, she can do this.

Her works always comes through and so does Abby.

***

Erin reminds Holtz of a praying mantis. She’s lanky with a shady edge.

Holtz watches over Abby, remembering all the years they’ve worked together, all the tales of the friend who abandoned her right when she needed her most.

Holtz searches Abby for all the things Abby taught her in the importance of taking care of friends. Is she okay? Does she need Holtz to do anything? Would she like some coffee, green tea?

Abby copes well and when she thanks Holtz for her concern, that pleased jump in Holtz’s stomach appears. She did something right. Holtz realizes Erin can’t ruin this no matter how hard she tries. Erin may have more history in her friendship with Abby but Holtz is good at this. Abby says so. Holtz can be a best friend. 

Holtz pokes fun at Erin, purposefully ignites a fire, and uses it as a sign to Erin that if she hurts Abby, Holtz is fully prepared to fight back. 

***

Holtz is not prepared for Patty. She’s not prepared for the way her heart skips a beat, the way Patty’s excited rambling pulls her in or the way Patty’s sass ignites a fire in her veins. 

“You’re mouthy, I like that.”

Before Holtz can elaborate, before she can think of all the ways she wants to know Patty better, the ghost appears. 

Right, this is their purpose. She powers up the proton machine and they start off.

***

Patty smiles at the more compact proton pack and Holtz feels her cheeks warm under the attention. It’s a check in the list of things to impress Patty. 

When she met Abby, she wanted Abby to like her and although she wants Patty to like her too, this need to impress her bubbles up inside of Holtz and won’t go away. 

She convinces Abby to make sure Holtz and Patty are always alone on food runs. 

Abby smiles like she knows. “Got a crush Holtz?”

Holtz stops and blinks a few times. Is that what this is? She adjusts her glasses. “Uh, not sure, I’ll need more field research.”

Abby nods, her patient nod, the one where she knows Holtz is confused. “Like fitting her for a proton pack?”

Holtz bits her lip and nods. 

Abby winks. “I heard her mention a craving for cheesesteaks.”

Holtz hugs her from the side, knocking Abby off her chair slightly. “You’re a genius, Abby.”

Abby smiles. “Just let me have some when you get back.”

***

Patty’s rambles are fascinating, not always in the information but in the way her hands fly up, in the way connections make her smile. That big, gorgeous, bright smile. The smile that Holtz wants more than anything to be directed her way. 

Patty stops on their way back from the deli. It takes Holtz a minute to notice. Patty’s head is ducked slightly and she has a small smile, a shy one. “I’m not talkin’ too much am I?”

Holtz isn’t sure how to explain the fact that she could listen to Patty forever. She doesn’t know how to put into words how much she enjoys Patty’s voice, the crescendo of volume as she slowly reveals history and its significance. 

Holtz doesn’t know what to say so she opts to smirk and shake her head. 

Patty smiles back, bigger this time and begins anew. 

****

Holtz tries to research the best ways to pick up women. Her two almost relationships were just a fluke, luck probably. 

She wants to bring her A game for this because her heart skips have turned into heart leaps and she feels like if she doesn’t kiss Patty soon, she may go mad from want. 

Pick-up lines turn out to be a weak option. It’s mostly because she can never remember them exactly. For example, Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? or checking a t-shirt tag and stating that she thought it would say made in heaven turns into patting Patty’s back awkwardly while she sits on her couch and stating Did you fall angel?  

One day, on her fourth failed attempt, Patty presses a hand to her forehead. “Are you sick baby? Been touching those ghost traps too much?”

Holtz’s skin tingles from Patty’s touch and she just shakes her head. “Love in the time of Cholera.”

(She realizes later that’s not a line but a book Patty owns.)

Patty squints at her. “Have you slept?”

“No rest for the wicked, Pattycakes.”

Gifts are her next endeavor. She bedazzles a new ghost chipper, creates a hand grenade that emits a purple mist, and engraves Patty’s name along her proton pack. Patty is grateful but it brings Holtz no closer to her goal. 

***

Patty walks in one evening with a dress that almost causes a nuclear explosion (only because Holtz is holding a grenade but she’ll argue any day that Patty’s beauty is powerful enough for such things). Patty’s dress is black with a lace overlay that hugs Patty in all the places Holtz dreams of touching. 

Holtzmann manages to place the grenade down gently and approaches Patty with her mouth agape. 

Patty smiles like she knows Holtz is having trouble breathing. 

“Hey, baby,” she greets and smiles. It’s that smile, that wide, delighted smile Holtz is forever chasing and it’s directed at her. 

Holtz manages to clear her throat. “Where you goin’, gorgeous?” 

If she could get her brain to function properly, she might have a different compliment, something more imaginative than gorgeous because it is obviously inadequate. 

“On my way to a party, just stopped by to drop off a book. My friend Aly got engaged.”

Holtz nods slowly. She understands Patty is talking but she can’t seem to process anything beyond how breathtaking Patty looks. Perhaps this is why her attempts keep failing, there aren’t words to describe the pull she feels, the want she has, or the contentment that comes from Patty’s presence. 

Patty is looking at her expectantly and Holtz realizes that somewhere she must have missed a question. 

Holtz adjusts her glasses and peers up at Patty. “Huh?”

Patty nods toward the door. “I asked if you want to come?”

Holtz considers her options. She should say yes. Being with Patty is never a waste but a party filled with people she doesn’t know is too much. 

She lowers her head and shakes it. “No, but thanks Pattycakes.”

Holtz hears the regret in her own voice and hopes Patty understands. It’s too overwheming, all the people, the interacting. She is just used to the team and that is even hard some days. 

Patty places a hand on her arm and squeezes. “How bout I come back after and you can show me the new containment unit? I’ll bring you some cake.”

Holtz beams up at her. “You’re perfect.”

Patty’s eyes are searching for a moment before she gives Holtz a soft smile. “See you later.”

*** 

She formulates a plan while she waits and is sure this time, it’ll work. (Maybe, possibly, probably not.)

After cake and the tour of the new containment unit (Patty gives her that impressed smile and her stomach does somersaults), Holtz invites Patty to watch a movie. It’s one of those romantic comedies Holtz always hears Patty gush over with Erin. 

It bores Holtz mostly but while Patty is distracted, Holtz yawns and attempts to rest her arm behind Patty. A problem occurs when she realizes she didn’t take Patty’s height into account. She lets out a whine and Patty turns. 

“What you doin’?” Patty’s eyes flit between the back of the couch and Holtz’s arm. 

Holtz shrugs. “Hmm, nothing.”

Patty quirks an eyebrow. “Baby, have you been trying to flirt with me? Like  _seriously_  flirt with me?”

Holtz’s cheeks get red and she’s scrambling for some explanation. “Um, I, well, um”

Patty smiles, one of her patient smiles. “You can tell me anything, Holtzy, you know that.”

Holtz takes a deep breath. “What tipped you off?”

Patty laughs. “Oh, I don’t know, I’m pretty sure the yawn move has been around for some time, the backward pickup lines were interestin’ and the bedazzled weapons were a nice touch.”

Holtz blinks slowly. Patty knows, she’s been on to her all this time. She throws Patty a smirk. “Any chance they worked?”

Patty rolls her eyes. “You know baby, you don’t have to use all that stuff.”

Holtz tilts her head. “What then? What will work?”

Patty shakes her head and reaches her hands up to touch Holtz’s cheeks. “I like you baby, I always have.”

Holtz’s eyebrows shoot up. “Really?”

Patty chuckles softly. “Yeah. I mean I worry about your priorities and your penchant for danger.”

Holtz shrugs. “Danger is useful.”

Patty shakes her head again. “We can talk about that later.” She leans forward as Holtz leans up and fireworks explode behind Holtz’s eyelids as Patty’s lips finally touch hers. 

When they part, Holtz winks. “It was the weapons wasn’t it? The part that really sealed the deal.”

Patty laughs as she strokes her thumb along one of Holtz’s wrists. It really shouldn’t make Holtz’s heart race so much but it does. 

“It wasn’t something you did, Holtzy. I like you because you’re you.”

Holtz couldn’t help the emotion that welled up inside of her. All those years of being avoided, all those times she was scared she’d blow everything up with one mistake, all those people that didn’t believe in her and none of it stopped Patty, she still likes her. Patty likes her, Abby cares for her and Erin, well, Erin could be a tossup but she sticks with her too. Patty fits like a piece Holtz didn’t realize she was missing. 

Holtz doesn’t know how to explain all of that and instead reaches up to kiss Patty again. Holtz is always better with action anyway.


End file.
